DAY 63 - Fat Globules

So, I've been hanging in there and persistant with my kickboxing lessons. I really do enjoy it. What's so odd is that I hate exercise. Totally loathe it. I like moving for fun. Not for the purpose of doing what is good and healthy for my body according to all of the medical journals in the world. But the sessions have been a lot of fun!

I still hurt like never before after each lesson. Parts I didn't know I had start to ache. There's a lower back/upper butt/side hip muscle that is screaming after every lesson. But it oddly feels good.

I'm on vacation now. We're in Cape Cod. I'm in full-fledged panic mode. Vacation usually means eating. We eat here. A lot. Reservations are made and rich food is consumed. I've been trying to make the best possible choices with my food. Those ten weeks with Janice were not in vain! And yesterday I actually walked quite far on the beach, trudged up a sand path and then jogged my way back to the resort. I was sweating like a pig and it felt great.

However, I can almost FEEL the food I eat turning into little fat globules and depositing themselves with such glee onto my hips, stomach and ass. Let us not forget about the back fat and flabby upper arms. It's freaking me out! I see myself looking like a stay-puff marshmallow woman walking down the aisle. It freaks me out!!!!

DAY 46 - Survival

I survived my first kickboxing lesson. Truth be told, I have a really awesome trainer who happens to be my neighbor who happens to be my friend. So, it made for a far more fun session. Now, for the cold hard truth...
For someone who spends her day walking, my ass is so out of shape, I couldn't complete the first session! I felt like a bad first date with ED! Just before we started doing the abs portion I got some sort of weird kidney cramp and had to sit down. It was most likely due to the Starbucks beverage I purchased and wolfed down at the Jiffy Mart before the class.
I did 30 push-ups (sets of 10, of course....couldn't do all 30 at once) and that night I had to slither into bed on my face. The arms were no longer functional pieces of flesh. At one point, I complained about the size of our sheets while trying to fold clean ones. "Why must our bed be so big! It's so painful to fold this fitted sheet!" Hence, the sheet is may look folded, but inside, it's a jumbled mess.
The following day was a little better. I woke up and the comforter no longer felt like a slab of sheet rock laying on my body. Moving around helped. Therefore I felt inspired to take another class the following day!
Well, training session number two with Trainer Trish was quite exciting! She was right when she told me the first day, "It'll never be as hard to do as it is during this first class." I was slightly skilled (SLIGHTLY!!) and finished the entire class. I even jumped rope for the first time in over a decade. (It was so much easier as a kid!) Most importantly, I DID NOT HURL! There was no hurling, no cramping and no crying. I left pumped up for the next class!
It's like dating someone....because I was anxiously awaiting the call/text/email where Trainer Trish asked when I was coming back. NEVER in a million years did I think I'd ever get this excited about something that consisted of EXERCISE!

DAY 41

So, I've officially changed the second number on the scale. I haven't
been one-seventy-anything in over a decade. I have 7 weeks until the
wedding. Most of what I lost is because of my insanely busy work
schedule. My max has been 19 walks in one day. It made me realize how
important exercise is in all of this. So tomorrow...Sunday ....I start
training for kickboxing. I'm scared. I'm such a blob. How will I do
this and not look like a giant ass? I guess we will know in nine hours!

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Day Twenty

I was very "warrior-esque" today. Determined to avoid crap, I ate a
lot of fruit and low calorie stuff. There was a part of me that wanted
to go to Wendy's for a coffee milkshake but I resisted. I actually
stood in the doorway of a pizzaria and walked away. I thought of
buying a little bag of Nilla Wafers at the deli and drove by. Half of
this was want-power and half was fueled by an outside source.

Yesterday I went to get my hair done and found this fabulous new hair
dresser. I love her. It's a total score in the hair department!
However, everyone, especially my fabulous new miracle worker, there
made me feel super frumpy. There was a girl leaving for maternity
leave that day who was slightly bigger than me! Notice: PREGNANT
GIRL. It was very discerning.

Mind you these are all the rare form of the skinny girl breed. They
were nice and they didn't make me feel frumpy, which was lovely. But
sitting in that chair in front of this tall, size 0 woman in a dress I
can only dream of wearing, I saw my reflection as Jabba the Hut. Bad
bad bad.

I also haven't weighed or measured myself in weeks. It's time. I have
some fear. I feel that my body is different; a bit less flab and a bit
more firm. But that scale is so evil. It doesn't matter what I feel
like if that number isn't friendly. I'll have to do it tonight or
tomorrow and I'll report back.

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Day Eighteen

I've woken up feeling as though my gut is slightly renewed. I had a
bite of my favorite sandwich yesterday and was semi-repulsed. I felt
like the fat was lodged in my throat and I immediately put it down and
was finished with it. I don't know why or what was behind it, but I
was not pleased. What did make me happy was that the sandwich isn't
the most healthy thing in the world so my body was doing me a favor.

Okay, I'll tell you what it is. Cut up hot chicken cutlet, lettuce,
little bit of cheese and ranch dressing in a wrap. It usually takes
two sittings to eat the damn thing. Otherwise I feel digusting and
stuffed.

This morning, I feel like my stomach is very choosy. Many of the
normal "yummy" things don't sound so wonderful. I can't believe I'm
going to say it but I'm rather pleased that my body is finally taking
a stand and demanding higher quality food!

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Too Tired For Salad?

The key word is FOR....not OF. I never get tired of salad. But I had
a situation yesterday that scared me a bit. I scared myself actually.

I was exhausted yesterday (again) after running around like a chicken
with my head chopped off. I hate to complain as it's my own business
and more running means more money. But after many consecutive days of
non-stop work, I was pooped.

Around 9pm, Justin asks me what I'd like for dinner. It's bad enough
I'm eating at 9pm but now I've got to utilize my three remaining brain
cells to decide what to have for dinner. So, my first thought is, 'i'm
too tired for salad". I knew he was going to suggest it...And he did.
Without thinking about how rediculous it will sound, I said it. "No.
Absolutely not. I'm too exhausted to eat a salad."

"What?! Explain this."

"I can't imagine all of that stabbing with a fork. And then there is
figuring out the lettuce-to-topping ratio with each bite. It's too
much!"

That had to be the most UN-warriorish thing I've thought and said
in....well, FOREVER! I'm ashamed. I actually got some very non-
greasy chicken fingers and all of that dipping was even pooping me out.

Today I woke up feeling guilty over my lack of gumption. I let
sleepiness dictate what I was going to eat. So when I looked on the
mirror this morning and felt bloated and round, I had no one to blame
but myself.

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