Consumption

The consumption I speak of is a double edged sword. To me both ends
are exhausting which is why there has been a time lapse in blogging.

Consuming food. Should I eat that? How much should I eat? Is that
going to make me feel guilty after I eat it? Where can I get
something to eat right now? These are just a few of the questions
that run thru my head all day long. It's a constant measuring,
guessing, wondering. If I spent a much time thinking about some other
topic as I do thinking about my consumption of food I would either be
a genius at that new thing or a complete psychopath.

Consumption of energy. Mental energy. Am I fatter today? Oh I hope I
lost weight! Why does everyone else succeed and I fail at this? Will
I fit into my wedding dress and look pretty or like a cow? It's truly
mentally exhausting for me. Somedays it " makes or breaks" my day. I
often wonder why it just doesn't happen? I'm exhausted from all of
the time I spend thinking about my weight.

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